year would be a wonderful opportunity to send a
traditional holiday photo to all of their friends and
family. Little did they know that an hour of absolute
mayhem awaited them in the basement studio of local
photographer David Ebels.
"Those photos always seem so serene, so
'family-rific'... I just wanted to have a piece of that
holiday peace for our little Bock tribe," stated
Jonathan Bock, proud father of Charlie (2.5 yrs) and
Theo (7 months). "I said to Cristin, 'Let's get some
photos with the boys, see if we can get a nice
snapshot to send out for the holidays.' What an
awful, terrible idea that was."
The Bocks spent nearly 90 minutes getting both
boys bathed and dressed. Charlie complicated
matters by deciding that his sweater was "too green"
and didn't want to wear it. After appealing to the
toddler with numerous different compromise
strategies ("No, it's not TOO green, it's JUST GREEN
ENOUGH!", "Dora loves green sweaters, so you
should too", "Charlie, don't make daddy cry, please
don't make daddy cry. Daddy's tears hurt Theo!")
and persuading the child that pants are necessary,
young Charlie was convinced to keep his sweater on.
Both children were bundled in their winter clothes to
face the brutal Iowa cold (0 degrees at time of the
photo). Just as they headed to the door, Theo
commenced to spit up all over his holiday sweater
and shirt and hat and jacket. Urgent
decontamination proceedings ensued immediately.
"At that point, I figured things couldn't get worse.
Boy was I wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong."
The Bock children were carefully strapped into their
carseats for the short ride to the photographer's
house. Dave Ebel is a local hobbiest photographer
whose work has mostly entailed photographing high
school seniors for yearbook purposes.
"That's the LAST time I photograph 2 year olds!"
Mr. Ebels replied when questioned about the Bock
Holiday Photo Session. "That's all I have to say. No
further comment."
Upon arrival at the Ebel Studio, the Bocks were
lead to the downstairs photography area. Within
moments of entering the basement, Charlie began to
scream and cry as if he were being tortured.
"I have no clue why that basement scared him so
much... maybe it was the fact that there was junk
everywhere, or the fact that Charlie knows more
about artistic composition than he lets on, but we
could NOT get him to settle down. Here we've got
the whole family dressed up for photos, bathed, Theo
is ready to break down cuz his nap is like 20 minutes
ago, and Charlie decides that this basement is the
cause of all of his nightmares," stated Cristin, the
harried mother of the Bock boys.
On a suggestion from the photographer, the Bocks
quickly brought the boys together on the floor,
hoping beyond hope that they could catch one
second where both boys weren't crying and were
maybe just maybe looking at the camera. Using the
best tricks of the trade (duck noises, snapping, and
high-pitched solicitations), rapid-sequence
photographic Armageddon ensued. Within 10
minutes nearly 50 photos were taken.
"I guess it was around number 35 where the flash
started getting to Theo," added Jonathan, "cuz the
sheer number of bright lights flashing started to really
spook him, bringing his shrieks into a new level of
intensity. It was actually pretty impressive. I mean,
the kid's only 7 months old. I think I have some
hearing loss in this ear, cuz it buzzes all the time now"
As the family looked at the proofs of the photos
and tried to find any that might look presentable to all
of their relatives, the final disaster happened.
"Charlie somehow managed to get up on a jogging
treadmill that was sitting in the corner of the
basement. It hadn't been used for some time, and
there was all sorts of other exercise equipment sitting
on it. Without any of us noticing, Charlie gets up on
there and turns on the treadmill at like 50 miles per
hour, subsequently jettisoning himself off the back of
the treadmill and into the wall. Happy Holidays, man,"
stated Bock.
At this point, Theo is screaming from the flashing
lights and the lack of nap, and Charlie has managed
to get himself airborne and slapped himself into the
1970's wood laminate walls of the basement, leading
to no major injuries but has managed to scare
himself to the point of literally soiling himself.
"We looked at each other and at our beautiful
shrieking children, and decided that we needed to
leave that basement of photographic doom
immediately. Something evil lurked within there,"
noted Cristin.
Three days later, the photo proofs demonstrated
picture after picture of children either crying, looking
at the wall, or saying "CHEESE!" through grated
teeth and furrowed brows. One photo showed
Jonathan in a pose that can only be described as
painful and unnecessary surprise. Amazingly, one
photo managed to demonstrate the Bock Clan in
some semblance of normalcy, and this single image
was selected as the public image of the Iowa Bock
Family for 2005 holiday purposes.
When asked about his feelings regarding this
photo shoot from hell, Jonathan simply stated, "Can't
wait for Christmas 2006!"
CLICK ON THEO TO GET
YOUR PRESENT - SEE
THE BOCK FAMILY
PHOTO ALBUM - NOW
WITH HUMOROUS
COMMENTARY!
CLICK ON JON'S MAZDA
323 HATCHBACK FOR
THE 2005 UPDATE ON
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH
JON'S CAR NOW?"
