Mazda and Manhood Gone
Jon finally got rid of that
ridiculous hatchback, but he
never really got to say goodbye.
Ask Theo!
Theo takes over where Charlie
took off last year, answering all
of your holiday queries.
Bockine 2006 - A Virtual Christmas Missive
Tornado Takes Hatchback and
Manhood
|
IOWA CITY, IA (AP) - Local resident Jonathan Bock has finally
gotten rid of his beloved 1990 Mazda 323 hatchback, much to his
chagrin. Interstingly, it was a tornado that finally made it happen,
fulfilling his promise that it would take "an act of God to make me
stop driving that car."
The beloved Mazda (see Bockline 2005 for full story) had
been in his possession for some 13 years, and was driven to the
point of absolute desperation.
"I just felt sick with him driving that thing around, what with no
airbags, and a passenger-side seatbelt that was fraying half-way
through," stated Cristin Bock, beloved wife and mother. "You
could sneeze on that thing and make it rattle."
In the early evening of April 13, 2006, an F2 tornado with
winds up to 150 mph ripped through Iowa City just half a mile
from the Bock Homestead, destroying several car dealerships
nearby, including the local Honda dealership.
The 2006 Honda Odyssey LX-RES that has robbed
Jonathan Bock of his manhood.
Predictions 2006
Charlie and Theo portend the
future, giving you their
predictions for the coming year.
The Chezik-Bell Honda dealership that supplied the
masculinity-ripping minivan and took the Mazda,
photographed the day after the tornado. Note the row
of Honda Odysseys in the foreground.
A quick inspection of the car lot the next day revealed that
several Honda Odyssey minivans were on huge discounts due to
varying amounts of hail damage. Within hours, the Bocks were
making an offer on one with no visible damage for $10,000 off of
the MSRP. Contingent on the sale was the trade-in of Jon's
beloved Mazda 323.
"I went home, emptied out the glove box, and drove it back to
the dealership. I cranked up the alpine deck one last time, just to
rock out for old-time's sake. I handed them the keys, and just like
that, it was no longer mine." said Bock. "Later that night, I drove
back to the lot to look at it once more. I got a little teary-eyed, but
I know it's for the greater good."
The new minivan displays an utter lack of college stickers in
the back window, and the previous duct-taped seats are now
replaced with leather. The alpine CD deck has also been
upgraded to a full entertainment system, with a DVD player in the
ceiling where the boys can watch movies while traveling long
distances.
The car has produced other changes, as well. It is so large
that it barely fits in the Bock's single car garage, forcing them to
leave their bicycles and trash cans underneath their front steps in
order to negotiate inside the garage. The car must be also
removed from the garage in order to pull out the lawn mower.
Despite his initial hesitation, Jon has grown to like the new car.
"While I've definitely betrayed by manhood, you can't argue with
a peaceful 5 hour drive with two toddlers in the back, being
entertained by a "Little Einstein's" DVD for the whole trip. The
storage/packing space in the back is truly unreal, too. It's like
driving around in your living room. A 4-wheeled, midlife
crisis-inducing living room."
